Why Does No One Read The 8:10 Newsletter (2.0)
|
Why Does No One Read The 8:10 Newsletter (2.0)
Gaargi Jamkar SY BSc
Economics, like we all know, is a subject that is notorious for making rather unjustified or ‘plain dumb’ (according to me) assumptions about every law and theory studied. I’m sure most of you know about the joke that’s used to mock economists-
There is a story that has been going around about a physicist, a chemist, and an economist who were stranded on a desert island with no implements and a can of food. The physicist and the chemist each devised an ingenious mechanism for getting the can open; the economist merely said, “Assume we have a can opener”!
While this joke exaggerates, the fact of the matter is that it does stem from reality. While studying any theory or concept we do make stupid assumptions – no technological advancements, no change in tastes and preferences and of course, every individual is a rational consumer. LMAO.
The only defence I have for this joke is that Physicists base all of their theories in a vacuum where every object is perfectly spherical. I take pride in the fact Economists take air and individuals of all sizes and shapes into consideration. (We are woke like that)
The point I’m coming to is that the 8:10 Newsletter, just like Economics, is trapped by ceteris paribus. We have a variety of sections: Art, Sports, Econ, Misc, Kathaa- something for everyone but we make a rather daring assumption. We assume that people want to read!
Yes, that’s true. Now we all lie in our resumes – somehow all of us love reading (especially the newspaper) and funnily enough we all write as a hobby and we enjoy it. Then, the question arises that why doesn’t anyone read the newsletter?
I have some theories
Let’s come to the technical and boring reasons first,
1.It’s almost been a full semester and we still haven’t figured out how to reach FYs by mail.
2.Cool kids don’t open their mail anyways
3.God forbid that the institute gives the 8:10 mail ID access to gipeall: because why would we want the institute’s newsletter to reach everyone in the institute (that’s sarcastic btw)
4.Our editions aren’t printed, they’re mailed. (TBH, even if they were printed we’d only be increasing the business of ‘raddiwale’ and the paper plane industry.)
The Cool Kid Theory:
The following is purely conjecture and is completely satirical.
Let’s assume that GIPE is an American High School Teen Drama you see in the movies. Then, by definition what matters most is your Popularity Quotient and your ‘Cool Points’. Every student aspires to maximise both. Keeping this in mind let’s form the cliches – 8:10, FIC (dead btw) would be your nerds with huge glasses and braces on their teeth. All the sport clubs would be your typical Jocks that only think and talk about Sports Week or the next match. The Firodiya gang would always be in another world, practising like theatre is the most important thing in the world. Finally, pretty much everyone would be doing side quests like internships or another degree.
While Sports, Firodiya, and Cultural Committee activities will make you ‘popular’ and thus add to your ‘cool points’, Reading, or even mentioning the 8:10 will reduce your ‘cool points’ and you’ll be met with “Who reads it anyway”. Thus based on the above, it’s simply ‘uncool’ to read the 8:10. You’re in college (my bad, institute) so why should nerdy stuff matter anyways! Why take the effort to read a newsletter when I can scroll endlessly on Instagram Reels (I do this too)!
The Gossip Theory :
Most articles in our newsletter are factual, topical and quite theoretical. Unless you have particular interest in one of the topics you won’t be reading our articles. I too have been a victim of this. Three newspapers come to my house daily: The Times of India, The Economic Times and of course, the coveted Pune Times. I never hesitate to pick up Pune Times first because obviously gossip and rumours matter much more than real life events that are serious and difficult to comprehend. Kylie Jenner’s baby names matter far more to me than Indian-Canadian diplomatic ties. Also fun fact, I rarely (never) read the Economic Times.
This made me realise that our newsletter suffers the same fate as The Economic Times for similar reasons. However, let’s assume for a minute that the GIPE Confessions Page shifted from Instagram to our website……
You and I both know what will happen next. Gossip is food for the soul and the only thing that unites human beings.
Now these are just my theories but I welcome all of you to speculate and give your opinion. It’s everyone’s newsletter and we’d appreciate any suggestions. You can even tell us point blank to our faces that you don’t read the newsletter as long as you tell us why.
I’m not going to lie: It did hurt me that nobody read our articles and it became a running joke that there are more people in the 8:10 team than people who read it. But this also opened doors to other exciting avenues. They say dance like nobody’s watching and our newsletter’s unpopularity gives a perfect opportunity to write like no one’s reading! Consider this your diary where you can write about whatever you want as long as you can justify it. We would encourage you to write controversial and provocative stuff because hey, ‘no one’s reading it anyway!’. Whether it’s holocaust denial, Flat Earth theories or even government criticism we welcome you. Who knows, a spark like this could lead to our success! (In other words, we’re looking for a publicity stunt)
Here’s to our unwavering hope and optimism in our newsletter! Words are our most inexhaustible source of Magic 🙂
Sincerely,
The 8:10 team